Tuesday, December 05, 2006

How do I grieve?

I've never really had many people to grieve passing away. My grandma and my dad's best friend are the only 2 people close to me that have passed away. Losing your own child doesn't compare to anything I've ever felt before.

Today, I tried getting my life back to normal since my mother is back home and I'm back to taking care of Joey by myself. We did our normal daily activities, but I kept finding my mind drifting from one subject to another. I still can't concentrate. It's like I suddenly have ADD or something.

So, Joey and I went out this morning to BJ's Wholesale Club to get diapers and other things we need in bulk. I walked around the store in a haze. I also bought Pirates of the Caribbean 2. We came home and I put the movie in. I couldn't even sit down to watch it during Joey's nap. I could barley watch my favorite soap opera. I couldn't do housework. My mind can't stay on one subject.

My appetite keeps coming and going. I'm only wanting to eat junk food, nothing healthy. I want to sleep all the time.

I know my hormones are extremely off whack and I'm sure that's the reason behind this. Writing this, I keep thinking of other things to write, but they make no sense. I'm trying so hard to cope, but it's so hard. I know it's affecting my husband and Joey too, I'm trying to stay strong for them, but it's hard. I know I need time to grieve, but it's so hard.


Michelle said...

I wish I had some answers for you - I've never been through a miscarriage before, but even if I had I'm sure everyone grieves in their own way too. Would it help to talk to a pastor/chaplain or conselor? I think you're right that the hormones are still going through your body. Trying to get back to regular daily life sounds like the right step - just taking it one day at a time. Hugs!

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do for you. I think it would help for you to talk to other's who have gone through this. I'm not sure what blogs you read (I guess I could click back and check)Sandra, at Diary of a sahm has had 2, and she's so great...I know she would love to email with you. If you would like her email addy, let me know. My email addy is on my profile.

LauraJ said...

Big big hugs~I've been through 2 misscarriages a long time ago. I feel your pain sweetie. Writing about it is certainly a small step towards helping yourself. I know another blogger who recently lost a baby as well and she wrote poetry to help her cope.
Big big hugs

LauraJ said...

I found the other blogger who has written poetry for the past 3 weeks about her grief. She is going through the very same thing you are and I thought it would be of some consolation to if I shared the address with you:
still sending big hugs to you today.
what a sweet wordless wednesday picture

LeslieAnn said...

I am thinking of you. Talking/blogging is good...it helps you make sense of something that just doesn't make sense. You're experiencing a big, big loss and that's going to affect your mind, body and heart...and the hormones are not helping. Time will help and writing too...we're all here to listen.


Jacquie said...

I so remember exactly how you are feeling. It's hard to do the day to day stuff at times even when you must. A m/c is such a crushing experience especially for us (not to dimish at all what Dads go thru too) but it is so physical for us right (is that the right word?). As time wore on it got better but I still had my days. I look know and think while I miss our angel baby and always will would I have my Jillian our DD who came after the m/c. Someone said to me at the time and after awhile it made sense "bad things happen to good people" I dont know why it made me feel better? It just did. So sorry for the rambling. Hugs to you.

Trina said...

I came across your blog through babyblogorama and just wanted to send you condolences. You're not alone. My doctor discovered my missed miscarriage on Nov. 3rd at my routine visit. I was supposed to be 11 week, but instead had to have a D&C the following day. My son is 3 1/2 and was with me on that day, excited about hearing the baby's heartbeat. It was awful and I am still grieving. I still cry some days, though not every day. We had genetic testing done and discovered that it was a girl and that she had Trisomy 21. All of this weighs heavily on me.

On a cheerier note, my son loves monster trucks and thinks your son's helmet is awesome. He has some stickers just like that and has run off to get them. I wish you well.

jotcr2 said...

Hi Jessica, I am desperately sorry to hear that you have miscarried. It is not something that I have had to go through, but knowing how excited I was when I was expecting Sheena, it must be a tough time for you and your family. I am certainly thinking of you. Little Joey is lucky to have such a caring and nuturing mother.

Sandra said...

Jessica, I found you through Jaymi (Flipflopmamma), I'm SO SO sorry to hear you have gone through this.

I have gone through 2 miscarriages and I would LOVE to talk to you and be there for you if you need someone that understands how you feel....my email addy is bourlandcs@msn.com...please email me if you need someone to listen :)

Huge huge hugs to you,

amy flege said...

darn, i wish i had a magic answer for you, but i dont. :(
hang in there. you will be back to your good ol self in no time. i think it just takes time. hugs!

mum2brady said...

Thinking of you and sending big hugs!